So, Where Have I Been The Past Six Years? Why Haven’t I Posted?

Journey of Resilience: From Darkness to Light

Six years ago, I embarked on a new chapter in my life. Little did I know that this journey would be marked by profound challenges and transformative moments that shaped the person I am today.

In January 2018, four months after returning from being a digital nomad in Europe, I made the monumental decision to buy my first home, an apartment in St-Henri, a gritty but up-and-coming inner-city borough teeming with life, character, and a VERY different vibe than what I was used to in the suburbs. Moving from the suburbs, I was filled with excitement and expectancy for this new chapter, especially since I had loved the convenience and fun of living in the core of each city I stayed in as a digital nomad. Things did not turn out as planned however.

The trajectory of my life took a sharp turn in July 2019 after presenting with symptoms of PTSD after having lived through months of psychological abuse and harassment coupled with devastating breakup with the love of my life, a person who felt like my mirror and soul in August 2019. The emotional turmoil that ensued led to a diagnosis of Chronic Adjustment Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder a year later in 2020. Out of nowhere, I was thrown over the edge of a cliff, my world seemed to crumble around me and I found myself sinking into a dark abyss of isolation and grief.

For three agonizing months, I grappled with overwhelming emotions that left me paralyzed. Getting out of bed, eating, showering, or even dressing felt like insurmountable tasks, each accompanied by tears that seemed never-ending. The simple act of stepping outside my apartment brought waves of uncontrollable tears, and the weight of my emotions manifested in a drastic 35-pound weight loss within the first two of those three months.

Despite my struggles, my employer failed to recognize the validity of my situation and instead labeled me as incompetent, leading to my termination. This dismissal only compounded my feelings of worthlessness and incapacity to function. For the next two and a half years, I battled relentless symptoms of trauma, depression and anxiety that I wasn’t able to pull myself out of, and it was only after walking into a hospital emergency room in a year and a half after my symptoms started, that I finally received the diagnosis, treatment and support I had been desperately trying to get.

In 2020, everything took a wild turn with the onset of the global pandemic hitting and us going into lockdown. while everyone I know was getting upset about being stuck at home, it was the silver lining in the pandemic for me. As a very private introvert with sensory issues, dealing with the world while battling mental illness is very difficult process for me. Quarantine was a lifeline. I no longer had to deal with the anxiety of turning down plans and “performing” in public, and I didn’t have to force myself to “keep-it-together” in front of people anymore. The isolation provided the time and space necessary to manage my recovery; It was finally a world that me, an introvert, could thrive in.

Amidst my recovery, my mortgage was up for renewal, and I knew leaving that building would have a huge impact on my happiness so I jumped on the opportunity to sell my apartment at the end of 2020. Moving into my new apartment in January 2021 was a fresh start that gave me a renewed sense of optimism. I was in a nicer apartment, in a building I loved, and in a more developed neighbourhood with parks and services within walking distance. The best part for me was that I now had a private balcony and with a view of a tree-filled park. I could sit in my own private space, feel everything that I needed to feel, and just take in the greenery that I so needed and missed from living outside of the city. The impact on my mental health was almost night-and-day!

Over the past three years, I’ve steadily made progress on the road to recovery. Reconnecting with the world, rebuilding relationships, and re-entering the workforce in 2022 marked milestones of resilience and determination.Completing my real estate studies and obtaining my license brought hope and eagerness for new opportunities ahead.

Now, as I re-immerse myself inMontreal’s vibrancy, I find joy in rediscovering the city’s cultural gems. Events like the Jazz Festival, the Montreal World Film Festival Piknic Electronik, Igloofest, Montréal en Lumière, MURAL Festival and Ile Soniq are just a glimpse of the events my city has to offer. Doing photography walks through Old Mtl, Chinatown, the Gay Village, Parc Mont-Royal and the Plateau, café-hopping and doing my own foodie-tour, rollerblading along Canal Lachine and kayaking down the canal; there are so many things to do here and find joy in!

I used to be filled with so much anxiety not knowing how to predict or control for the future, but now, as I look ahead to the year unfolding, I am filled with enthusiasm and anticipation for the changes to come and hopefully share them with all of you (just a hint, I will be moving again!). Through the darkness and challenges, I’ve emerged so much stronger, and I look forward to what God has planned for me next.

Jen